"Instead of taking a clear-eyed view of your recent behavior, base your apology on how angry someone else is. The more upset they are, the more wrong you were."
1. Instead of taking a clear-eyed view of your recent behavior, base your apology on how angry someone else is. The more upset they are, the more wrong you were. Conversely, if the person you’re trying to apologize to insists that it’s “not a big deal” or it “happens all the time,” you can’t have done something wrong. Remember, the goal of apologizing is to keep someone from being angry, because you’re responsible for how other people feel about you. Take your cue from their emotional state and act accordingly.
1. Instead of taking a clear-eyed view of your recent behavior, base your apology on how angry someone else is. The more upset they are, the more wrong you were. Conversely, if the person you’re trying to apologize to insists that it’s “not a big deal” or it “happens all the time,” you can’t have done something wrong. Remember, the goal of apologizing is to keep someone from being angry, because you’re responsible for how other people feel about you. Take your cue from their emotional state and act accordingly.